I find myself starting to write posts that never get completed.
Sometimes they’re just in my mind (as I’m walking, as I’m working, as I’m browsing the net, talking with friends). I write them in my head and as soon as I try to type them they evaporate.
More often than not, lately, they’re all about anger. At me mostly.
I just sit around, smiling, simmering, boiling inside. Thinking all the shit I’ve done to myself. You really don’t need anyone else messing you up when you’re like me.
And then -suddenly- you find yourself in a position that you couldn’t even dream about. And you sit and stare like an idiot. Pinching yourself.
I’m blue all over from all the pinching.
4 Comments
I’m just thankful that instead of just feeling angry all the time, I’m feeling happy most of the time.
It’s a good thing. Else you’d be up to HERE in stercus posts ;P
Well… not that you’re not ALREADY up to THERE with them…
Let’s just say they’d be a whole lotta worse!
When you´re like me, and you regret everything you do, you´re constantly angry with yourself. The things you did badly of course, but also the things you did well, as you could have done them even better. It´s hard to be a perfectionist, when you´re far from perfect!
Anger at yourself is constructive in moderate degrees, i think.. but the line between self-cricism and self-hate is thin, and a slippery slope.
Don´t pinch yourself! Let others do the pinching, easier to know when it is or isn´t justified that way.
Well that´s how it is for me anyway, as i question all my self-criticism just as everything else emanating from me :P
The whole pinching thing is for a good cause.
As for self-criticism… Well. It’s necessary and constructive.